Not sure if the lack of posting here is good or bad. I guess it is likely both; things have been “better” lately, but I’ve also been wallowing from time to time. Things haven’t been perfect, not at all, but I think I’m coping better. I wish I was here posting all kinds of good news, but that just isn’t the case. That said, I’ve buried myself in some projects that I have been very happy with and proud of- things that are 100% my own. I am very proud of them and hope to keep them going. It makes me happy to be doig things that keep me energized and thinking of other things.
But… it IS New Years and I am sitting at home alone (not all bad though because I’ve been busy). The kids are in Cancun with the ex and the replacement me. I have only gotten a couple text messages and one inaudible voice message. I miss them terribly and keep thinking of them. Soon they come back though, but then I head overseas for a week.
I cooked myself a nice dinner tonight. It would have been so much better with somebody else to share it with, but that wasn’t to be. I’ve been feeling more and more like trying to make something happen- meaning that I feel less and less afraid of people and “dating”. I still worry like hell about what it all will mean to the kids when I do- not that the ex has that problem, clearly.
I guess I’m going to make it through this year after all. I don’t want to think of how 2008 could be worse because we still have two court dates already set up. It could get much worse before it gets better, but I am trying to remain optimistic. I am trying to stay open to the idea that things might just get better… I really have to believe that they will. I really do.
So, 2007- fuck off. 2008- welcome. Let’s make the most of the blessings we have. I know I want to try.
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